Have our kids forgotten how to play?

In a world where technology was supposed to make our lives simpler, we seem to be busier than ever.

And our kids are far from immune to the onslaught of stuff to do.

A recent study by Ofcom, published by the BBC this week, showed that adults are spending a shocking 3.8 hours watching television – EVERY DAY.

Add to that their use of computers, games and mobile phones and the figure goes even higher.

And children aren’t far behind.

In another recent survey by TV channel Eden, 2000 children were asked some pretty basic questions about the “outside world”.

The most shocking statistic was the fact that 64% of children play outside less than once a week.

There is a growing body of evidence that children need time outdoors – in nature – preferably without adults interfering.

Psychologists are now proving what we have instinctively known for generations:

Creative play, outdoors in nature, is an essential part of childhood.

Yet most of our kids end up being ferried from one after-school activity to the next, before being nagged into doing their homework and shipped off to bed, often with a good dose of TV or MySpace in the mix.

“Nature is a tool,” says Stephen Moss, naturalist, broadcaster and author, “to get children to experience not just the wider world, but themselves.” So climbing a tree, he says, is about “learning how to take responsibility for yourself, and how – crucially – to measure risk for yourself. Falling out of a tree is a very good lesson in risk and reward.”

So why are we so scared of our children playing?

In my son’s kindergarten class, his teacher regularly reminds me that children act out – and resolve – their stresses, tensions and fears through creative play.

Without play, they are at risk of shutting down their emotions and ending up with the issues I see in my mentoring clients every week.

But allowing children to play creatively is often challenging for us parents, in our super-hectic lives where supreme-multi-tasking and constant running on adrenalin is the only recipe that allows us to get everything done.

The simple fact is that, if we want our children to grow up happy and confident, laid back yet effective, then we need to lead by example.

We need to learn how to let go – to be, instead of always doing.

Perhaps we need to remember how to play?

And have fun?

Then our children would learn that it’s ok not to always be doing stuff – it’s ok to be, to play, to connect with nature.

Perhaps it’s not the children who have forgotten how to play, but us, their parents?

What are your thoughts? What would your suggestions be, based on these research studies?

We would love to hear from you, via the comments box!

If you’re interested in Mindfulness for Kids, we’d love to connect with you on Facebook and Twitter!

7 Simple Steps To Your Best Christmas Ever!

Here’s a little Christmas video, with 7 top tips to de-stress and feel happier this Christmas – as our gift to you.

1. Dance and sing with all your heart!
   “Dance as though no one were watching; sing as though no one were listening; live every moment to the fullest.”
   .
2. Get plenty of fresh air
   Go out for walks – ideally somewhere with grass and trees – it really shifts stress and makes for a happier Christmas.
   .
3. Let your inner child have fun
   Surprise yourself – let your inner child out to play – it’s not as scary as we think…!
   .
4. Give every gift with love – and receive every gift with gratitude!
   Yes, even Aunty Mabel’s disastrous Snowman jumper!
   .
5. Look for the beauty and light in everyone
   Yes, even grumpy uncle Richard! You can be the mirror that shines back their inner beauty, so perhaps they might even catch a glimpse of it.
   .
6. Spread love and happiness with every thought & word
   Choose every thought to come from love. Choose every word you say to be born of kindness. And watch the Christmas magic unfold!
   .
7. Make the magic last all year long!
   Don’t wait till next Christmas to do it all again – keep steps 1 to 6 going all year and you could change the world!

If you’re still feeling stressed out this Christmas, it’s never too late to have a flick through 101 Ways To De-Stress Your Christmas. No matter which Christmas stress type you’re running, there’s something in it for you.

These tips came from the book, which you can either download straight away to your kindle (or computer kindle app) or order in paperback.

It’s based on practical psychology, stress management techniques, sleigh-fulls of common sense and a good dose of Christmas humour.

To find out more, go to http://www.destressyourchristmas.com

Happy Christmas!

Clare x

Would you like to find out what your Christmas stress type says about you?

Here are the 5 most common Christmas stress types. See if you can spot your favourites:

1. Are you the Strong, Silent Type?
   Showing the outside world that all is well, whilst bubbling away like a pre-eruption volcano inside? You know what’s going to happen – you can only keep a lid on it for so long… It’s time to deal with your Christmas stress and ask for the help you need. Those around you will thank you for it.
2. Are you the Drama Queen?
   (No offence! I have previously counted myself amongst this worthy brigade!). Do you gladly share the tales of your Christmas woes with all who will listen? Whilst it can be fun, being the centre of the Christmas attention, make sure you drop this habit before so many people are avoiding you that even Santa won’t pop down your chimney!
3. Are you the Brigadier?
   Stiff upper lip, carry on regardless, got to achieve the goal? Prepared to steam roller through resistance, should anyone be foolish enough to get in your way? Although this might be a great way of getting things done, remember that Christmas is about goodwill to all men, and bullying your way through the festivities won’t be winning you any friends…
4. Or perhaps you’re the Christmas Fairy?
   Jumping from the top of one tree to the next, spinning as many plates as you can keep in the air, whilst not quite getting anything done? This is a great way to lead to Christmas burn-out. How about playing with finishing a few things off and watching your stress levels drop dramatically?
5. And finally we come to the Willing Volunteer.
   If this is you, you’ll find yourself taking on more and more of the jobs that others could be helping with, until you get to the point that you’re wishing for Christmas to be over. Even if you normally find it hard to say no, to keep your sanity this Christmas, it might be time to seriously consider this option.

These are, of course, caricatures of how we respond to Christmas stress – and there’s a little bit of each of them in all of us.

Whatever your Christmas stress type, simply being aware of it frees you up to make the choice of whether or not to change.

And if you’re feeling seriously stressed out this Christmas, it’s never too late to have a flick through 101 Ways To De-Stress Your Christmas. No matter which Christmas stress type you’re running, there’s something in it for you.

It’s based on practical psychology, stress management techniques, sleigh-fulls of common sense and a good dose of Christmas humour.

This article was based on Step #2. If you found it useful, then there are bound be to more gems waiting for you from the other 100 ideas!

To find out more, go to http://www.destressyourchristmas.com

Happy Christmas!
Clare x

There is a desperate need out there for the work we are all doing, yet sometimes it can feel hard to break through our personal blocks, to take our practice to the next level.

That’s where having a strong network of supportive, like-minded individuals can really help.

Vibrant Alternatives is all about working together – rather than viewing each other as potential competitors!

We each have a unique set of skills to offer our clients and there are plenty of clients who need our help.

So if you’re up for:

• learning more about how to grow your business
• discovering how to unblock the silent blocks that may have been sabotaging your practice’s growth
• connecting with people who are happy to share their ideas, questions and experiences

… then welcome to Vibrant Alternatives!

Over the coming months, we’ll be publishing details of networking meetings, workshops, business expert articles and much, much more.

If you’d like to be involved, please take a moment to sign up for the Vibrant Alternatives mailing list.

You can also join us on Facebook – there’s no point in waiting, you may as well get started now!

It’s a ‘closed group’, so you’ll need to ask to join – it might take us a day or 2 to tick the box! But this means that all content is only visible to members, rather than being publicly visible. We figured that was a better way to encourage sharing!

With love, namaste,

Clare & Peter xx

Looking for something a bit different from what you normally get to choose?

Perhaps we can help.

CPD course for complementary therapy professionals

Vibrant Alternatives – 2012 Courses

We’re in the process of finalising our 2012 schedule and are planning some really special courses, just for complementary therapists and practitioners.

Whether you want to take them for your own enjoyment or as part of an accredited Continuous Personal Development training plan, you will find them tailored to your needs – and those of your clients.

Next year’s courses will include:

• A Diploma in NLP
  Want to discover some amazingly simple, yet highly effective techniques you can use to help your clients let go of their blocks, just by chatting to them during your therapy sessions?
  Want to find out how to avoid the language patterns that could accidentally keep them stuck and block their ability to change?
  Then a diploma in NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) could be just what you’re looking for.
  A 4 day course which can be taken in 2 x 2 day sections, over 12 months, to fit your schedule (fully certified qualification under INLPTA)
  .
• Teaching Deep Relaxation
  So many of the challenges people face these days could be helped by being able to fully relax, on a regular basis.
  Being able to teach your clients to relax, quickly and easily, could be a really useful technique to use, as part of your usual treatments.
  This 2 day course will guide you through the key skills someone needs to acquire, to be able to let go and de-stress, in a format that allows you to easily teach them to your clients.
  .
• Tapping In To Your Inner Wisdom
  This 2 day course takes you through deeply powerful processes to help you tune in to your inner wisdom even more effectively, when working with clients.
  And, of course, it has a knock-on effect on all other areas of your life!
  .
• Letting Go Of Your Blocks
  This 2 day workshop is designed to help you create a clear vision for your complementary therapy practice, to help you identify any fear or belief-based blocks you are running and to start to release them.
  If you want to take your business to the next level and help even more people, then this course is not to be missed.

We’re happy to work with your professional body, where necessary, to help them understand the benefits of these CPD courses and ensure you get your Continuing Professional Development credits.

To find out more, please call Clare on 07919 11 4440 or fill in the contact form below.

We would love to hear from you!

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What Is Meditation?

Meditation helps you quieten your mind, to reach beyond the everyday, mundane aspects of life and reconnect with a deeper sense of “who you really are”.

It is a journey that will take you from a place of stress, drama and discontent to happiness, inner peace, contentment and connectedness.

Along that path, we all encounter things that need to be released, in order to set ourselves free from the habits, thought patterns and limiting beliefs that have kept us stuck and separate for so long.

Meditation is not…

Clare Josa, Meditation Teacher

I had been practising meditation for about 20 years, when I decided to formally train as a meditation teacher, so I could help others.

That’s when I realised that I had never really “meditated”.

It was a bit of a shock! Sure, I had done classes, retreats and had a stack of “meditation” CDs at home, but few of them took me anywhere near that point of stillness, that point of peace, deep inside, that I had been searching for.

Why?

Because the “teacher” never shut up and there was always tinkly music in the background!

After 2 decades of studying, I had never been taught how to be “ok” with silence; with stillness. All the techniques I had learned were still about “doing” – following instructions that popped up almost constantly.

Even though there are many meditation techniques that can be performed while you are active – even in a noisy environment – I had never experienced the beautiful feeling of allowing my mind to come to rest and just “be”.

Everything I had tried before had, in fact, been based on deep relaxation or guided visualisation. And I experienced a huge difference in the effect of those, compared to deep meditation, which has been profound and life-changing for me.

Meditation is NOT about twisting your legs into a pretzel, hiding in a cave and chanting ancient Sanskrit all day (though it can be!).

It is a practice that helps you change your life. It brings you peace, calm, stillness and a vibrant sense of being totally “alive”.

What Are The Benefits Of Meditation?

Some of the benefits of regular meditation practice include:

• Reducing your stress levels
• Getting your life back into balance
• Developing a “longer fuse” – being able to remain calm, even in emotional situations
• Improved physical, mental and emotional health
• Feeling happier – even moments of spontaneous joy
• Clearer thinking – you have been training your mind to chatter less!
• Improved concentration
• A sense of inner peace and stillness
• Feeling the strength (and desire) to finally deal with the “stuff” that’s no longer working in your life

Dispelling Meditation Myths

Myth: You have to train under a “guru” and change who you are
Fact: Finding a good teacher helps, but even just 10 minutes a day of mindfulness can have a big impact. Check out the latest research from Sara Lazar, showing that meditation can even make your brain grow!

Myth: Meditation drop-in classes work
Fact: You need commitment and dedication, to make progress.

Just as with any form of skill, to see results, a meditation student needs to commit to regular practice. A weekly, local meditation or mindfulness class is the ideal environment for this, because:

• you can ask the meditation teacher questions – they have been trained how to teach this stuff!
• you can benefit from the fact the teacher has probably faced similar challenges to you, on their meditation journey, and will have discovered some short cuts
• you can get feedback on your posture (meditating doesn’t need to hurt!)
• you can learn how to prepare for meditation, to get maximumm impact from your practice
• you can learn techniques to get back into that ‘meditative calm’ state, even when time is short
• you can share the experience with other students and even make new friends
• this moral support can help you find ways to fit yoga into your life, to help you feel happier, healthier and less stressed.

Over the years, we have repeatedly found that people attending drop-in classes make much slower progress than those who make the personal commitment to attending a term’s course.

Myth: You have to change your religious beliefs, to meditate
Fact: Meditation is accessible to everyone, regardless of their personal beliefs

Although the practice of meditation is rooted in ancient philosophy, to enjoy and benefit from meditation doesn’t require you to adopt any particular belief systems and it certainly doesn’t ask its students to have any particular religious background.

If you can daydream, then you can meditate.

Most cultures have practices that are akin to meditation. There’s nothing scary or cult-based about it.

What Makes Beyond Alchemy’s Meditation & Mindfulness Classes Different?

Rather than expecting you to turn up, rushed and stressed, twist your legs into a pretzel shape and suddenly empty your mind and feel inner peace, our meditation & mindfulness classes focus on good preparation first.

In order to be able to meditate successfully, you need to be relaxed and able to concentrate.

Is it time to tame your 'grasshopper mind'?

Few of us can do that spontaneously, as part of our busy lives. Most of us are more like grasshoppers, flitting from one thought or action to the next.

So our meditation classes typically take students through the following stages:

• Physical movement, to help you release the body’s tension and start to relax
• Deep relaxation – sitting or lying down – to help you let go and unwind
• Concentration techniques, to help you train your mind to focus on just one thing, rather than being a mutli-tasking grasshopper
• Training on how correct posture during meditation can impact the effectiveness of your meditating
• Discovering meditation and mindfulness techniques that work for real people, with busy lives

Our students tell us that they really value the level of preparation they get during the classes and see it as a ‘gold standard’ of meditation experience. This helps them relax and de-stress more easily during their day-to-day lives, and means they are more quickly able to get into a relaxed state of body and mind, to meditate at home.

How will I feel afterwards?
Students leave their classes feeling more balanced, less stressed, energised, refreshed and revitalised.

The goal of our meditation and mindfulness classes is to help you find a point of stillness, deep within you, that you can connect with, no matter how busy and stressful life becomes.

Why Bother With A Meditation Class?

Why on earth bother going to a meditation class?

Why not just listen to a CD or read a book?

Clare Josa, our meditation teacher, shares her personal story on this one in the video on the right.

Our research shows that a regular meditation or mindfulness class can have a major impact on the results you achieve.

Books and CDs are a great start, if you don’t have a good meditation class locally. But they have their limitations, too:

• Most ‘meditation’ CDs are in fact guided visualisations or deep relaxations. Whislt they help you relax, they are unlikely to take you to a real experience of meditating.
• Books can teach you techniques, but the experience of being guided through that technique by a real, live teacher is very different.
• You can’t ask a book or CD questions!
• Meditating with other people creates an wonderful space that allows you to go even deeper.
• A good teacher can tailor your meditation class to the needs of the individuals in the group. A book or CD has to be created to work for the ‘average’ student.
• Attending a weekly class gives you the moral support (and kick up the butt!) that most of us need to actually commit to regular meditation practice. It’s by far the quickest and most effective way to make progress and experience deep-acting results.

Weekly Classes

Our spring 2012 term of meditation and mindfulness classes will be starting soon.

They will be held near Forest Row in East Sussex.

We’ll be publishing times and dates, as soon as they are finalised.

Find Out More / Reserve Your Place

To find out more and reserve your place, please call Peter or Clare on 07919 11 4440. Or you can fill in the contact form below and one of the team will get back to you as soon as possible.

Can’t Make It To A Weekly Class?

We run regular yoga and meditation weekend workshops in the East Sussex area (Forest Row / East Grinstead / Ashdown Forest). If you’d like to find out when the next course is running, please get in touch!

Sara Lazar PhD from Massachusetts General Hospital, USA, has been studying the impact of regular meditation on the brain, using the latest neuroimaging techniques. For a number of years, her team has been tracking the cognitive, emotional and neurological changes associated with practising yoga and meditation.

The results of their latest study have now been published, concluding that:

Even just 8 weeks of daily meditation can have a positive impact on your brain structure.

The study’s participants took part in mindfulness practices, for about half an hour per day. The study showed that the benefits the participants reported weren’t just “in their heads” but were truly in their brain.

“Although the practice of meditation is associated with a sense of peacefulness and physical relaxation, practitioners have long claimed that meditation also provides cognitive and psychological benefits that persist throughout the day.

This study demonstrates that changes in brain structure may underlie some of these reported improvements and that people are not just feeling better because they are spending time relaxing.”
Dr Sara Lazar

Previous studies by Lazar’s team, and others, had found structural differences between the brains of experienced mediation practitioners and individuals with no history of meditation, observing thickening of the cerebral cortex in areas associated with attention and emotional integration. However, they hadn’t proven a link between this and meditation practice.

This latest study also used a control group – who didn’t meditate – as well as the study group.

It used neuroimaging techniques to measure areas where meditation-associated differences had been seen in earlier studies, finding increased grey-matter density in the hippocampus. This is  known to be important for learning and memory, and in structures associated with self-awareness, compassion and introspection. No such differences were found with the control group.

“It is fascinating to see the brain’s plasticity and that, by practicing meditation, we can play an active role in changing the brain and can increase our well-being and quality of life.”
Britta Hölzel, PhD, co-author of the research paper.

What does this mean for you and me?

Is it time to meditate?

A daily meditation practice does more than just help you relax.

It has a positive impact on your brain – the “hardware” that runs everything we do, think, say and feel.

And then you add the challenges of pregnancy and motherhood into the mix…

Just imagine…

Imagine being able to:

• Improve your memory, no matter how much sleep you’re getting!
• Focus and concentrate more clearly, even when being the super-mum of multi-tasking
• Reduce your stress levels
• Feel happier
• Feel more compassionate and less judgemental towards others (and yourself!) – including the kids, when they’re in ‘one of those moods’
• Be more self-aware, so you can  catch yourself, before you do or say something you would rather not

The results of this research study show that meditation can help you do all this – and more.

And the great news is that the changes were observed after as little as 2 months of practice, so you don’t have to lock yourself in a cave for 20 years, before you see tangible progress!

Want to learn how to meditate?

If you’d like to learn more about how to meditate, or deepend your current practice, then joining a meditation class is a great place to start. While CDs and books can help, a good teacher can tailor sessions for your needs and should be able to give you feedback to help with posture, motivation, technique and advice to help you progress more quickly.

Meditating in a group often produces deeper results than sitting at home on your own.

Have you learned meditation?

Did you find it produced an impact on your concentration and stress levels?

We’d love to hear from you, via the comments box below!

It can help them concentrate, relax, get things into perspective and even feel happier, more grounded and more positive.

If a doctor could give children a pill to do all that, most parents would be tempted to use it.

But meditation & mindfulness don’t need a prescription; it’s completely free and has no negative side effects!

So how about giving this one a go today?

10 Minute Belly Breathing Meditation

Help your kids feel more relaxed & happier in under 10 minutes

For older children, with a longer concentration span, aim to build up to 10 minutes for this exercise.

For younger children and toddlers, even 10 breaths would be a great start!

1. Sit quietly with your child at a time when they’re up for playing with this
2. Make sure you both have your back straight, your shoulders relaxed and your chin tucked in a little, to relax your neck.
3. Belly breathing is easier for young children when they can see their belly moving, so get them to copy you as you put your hands on your belly, just above your belly button. You want your fingertips of your middle fingers to be lightly touching, as your belly is pushed towards your back.
4. Then, as you breathe in, allow your belly to expand (now is NOT the time to worry about looking fat !). Your fingertips will move apart.
5. Breathe out, belly goes back towards your spine, fingertips go back together.
6. Continue this with your little one, breathing together, for as long as they can hold their attention.

This is a wonderful practice for kids (and grown ups!) because it brings the focus back to the breath, bringing the breath back to the lower abdomen, rather than the chest and shoulders – that’s where it hangs out when we’re stressed.

Belly breathing also gives the internal organs a gentle massage (they’re designed to get one, every time the diaphragm moves!). It helps re-oxygenate the blood, can improve concentration and generally has a positive impact on health.

Helping your kids learn to concentrate, with a simple exercise like belly breathing, can help them relax and find it easier to concentrate at school.

The benefits are enormous. Plus it’s fun and free!

How about sharing how you get on, via the comments box?

If you’re interested in Mindfulness for Kids, we’d love to connect with you on Facebook and Twitter!

It didn’t take long to see that the guy couldn’t sit still.

From his finger twitching and body fidgeting, you could see that his mind was racing.

The bags under his eyes told tales of stress-filled, sleepless nights.

If anyone ever needed to tap into the de-stressing benefits of relaxation, this guy was a prime candidate.

But my meditation master turned him away.

“Why on earth would you do that?” we asked him, a stunned class of trainee meditation teachers.

His smile shone gently as he explained.

Learning to meditate is a 3 stage process

Meditation is about so much more than just sitting still, closing your eyes and expecting to stumble across inner peace.

It is a three-stage process which, like learning to drive a car or play a musical instrument, takes dedication and practice.

Stage 1: Relaxation

Until you can relax your body and your mind, meditation is nearly impossible. Youl’ll be sitting there, desperately uncomfortable after the first few minutes, totally pre-occupied by your shopping list or last night’s television.

You simply won’t be able to sit still!

Being deeply relaxed is about completely relaxing your body, whilst keeping your mind alert. If you nod off, you’re asleep, not relaxed! Relaxation is also about acceptance – accepting your environment, accepting your body (with all its aches and pains) and accepting your mind (even if it’s chattering away!). Only when you are deeply relaxed will you be able to start to meditate.

Stage 2: Concentration

Until your mind can keep its attention concentrated on one thing for a period of time, you’ll find it extremely difficult not to be constantly distracted by other thoughts. Meditating isn’t about “emptying your mind” and “thinking of nothing”.

It’s about allow any thoughts to drift past, without stealing your attention. In concentration, we bring our attention inside, to allow us to move towards reconnecting with who we really are, rather than the external, ego-based world we usually inhabit.

Concentration exercises, such as candle gazing and physical awareness exercises, can help the majority of us who have very poor concentration skills!

Stage 3: Focus

Once you are deeply relaxed and able to concentrate, you will be able to focus on the practices you have chosen, leading you into meditation.

This is where your awareness can really expand and you start to experience the happiness and sense of inner peace that regular meditators achieve.

So my meditation master had turned this man away, because he didn’t want his prospective student to waste time and effort, trying to meditate, when he was still completely unable to relax. After a full twelve months of practicing deep relaxation, which can itself be life-changing, the student returned to become an excellent meditator.

If you have tried meditation and haven’t got the results you were hoping for, then the foundation stages might be missing. It’s well worth finding an experienced meditation teacher to guide you through the process.

Sometimes on our path, we try to run before we can walk. It can take a wake-up call, such as seemingly being denied our dream, to help us realise we need to lay firm foundations first. Only then can we soar.

What have your experiences with meditation been so far?

What would your top tips be to help someone who is learning how to meditate?

We’d love to hear from you via the comments box!

It didn’t matter that I had done the local NHS antenatal classes (where it was all about birth and they kind of forgot to mention ‘what came afterwards’!).

And even despite the local NCT course (where – thank goodness – they taught me how to change a nappy, complete with Marmite & mustard on the doll’s bottom!), I felt totally unprepared for those first few weeks and months.

Once the ‘excitement’ of the ‘arrival process’ had died down, I reaslised how little time I had ever spent with babies. In fact, I don’t think I had ever held a baby younger than several months old, despite having reached my thirties.

No amount of reading books can really prepare you for those first few months – because every new mum’s journey is going to be unique.

We had our fair share of challenges, with difficulties establishing feeding and adjusting to the change of sleep patterns and the total change of life priorities, as well as our fair share of smiles.

The night feeds gave me time to catch up on some reading and I found myself finally leaving the ‘parenting books’ to one side, whilst diving into the Dalai Lama’s autobiography, Freedom in Exile.

Night after night, as I read about his life journey, I realised that there were 4 little words that could help me ‘stay sane’ and even enjoy some of the changes and challenges we were facing.

I realised that, when you’re in unfamiliar territory and out of your comfort zone, it’s all too easy to get stuck in the ‘story’ or even the ‘drama’ of what is going on.

Yet nothing in life is permanent.

My mantra became:

“This too will pass.”

4 little words. So much meaning.

Every time I found myself getting stressed or worried, I took a deep relaxation grounding breath and told myself, “This too will pass.” And it did. Every time.

It didn’t mean I pretended there was nothing that needed action – or that I didn’t need to ask for help – but it helped me keep my head above the ocean of drama it was trying to create. And I found it much easier to enjoy the ride.

In fact, I’m still using it most days, 7 years on! Nowadays, it helps me remember to enjoy the moment. It goes so quickly

“This too will pass” ~ how could that one help you today?

I’d love to hear your views via the comments box, below!